December 2010
104 posts
The non-German side of my family is, to put it kindly, Italian trash. My uncle moved in with my grandparents earlier this month because he hasn’t had a job in over a year and his much too patient landlord finally evicted his ass and his ex-wife wouldn’t take him in. He’s mad lazy and my mom’s always on his case about not working and sponging from my grandma. My grandma always makes excuses for...
i'm mad
I just tipped the dry cleaning guy $10 because i’m too slow to do math and now I’m fucking mad. The italian part of me is like “THAT WAS YOUR LAST $20 NOW YOU CANT GET PIZZA” and the whitebread christian part of me is like “But its christmaaaas! And he said his kids were still in serbia! he needed it more than you! :)”
Yo i’m STILL mad.
So last night at around 12
I thought of a whole big speech to give my manager when I called out of my 7am shift.. “Hey yeah. This is Kali. Uhm I drive a shitty car haha and uh, I was wondering if you could come get me from SOUTHERN MARYLAND cause my roads don’t get plowed till later and i’m not an experienced driver in the snow. Yeah. Oh it’s too far? Yeah, thats what I thought okay. Thanks for your...
You know when someone gives you a gift
and you’re not expecting to get anything from them at all, so just the act itself sort of catches you by surprise, and then you open it and it’s something that you vaguely remember mentioning over a month ago and then when they asked 2 weeks ago if you’d ever bought it, you’d just glared and said “No, because I’m fucking poor, obviously.” and resented them for reminding you of your financial...
I’m never more embarrassed than when I witness...
Religion isn’t cool. Religion will never be cool. It’s just something you’re either down with or you’re not. Having an “Our God Really Rocks!” luau just sends mean douche chills down my spine.
My mom, when company spills a drink on the couch: Oh no problem, let me just get some paper towels! No don’t worry about it, it’s covered in a stain-repellent!
My mom, when I spill a drink on the couch: SHIT! GOD DAMMIT!!!! CLEAN SHIT THAT UP NOW! WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT DRINKING ON THE COUCH!!! ARRRRGGGGHHH!!!!!
“Why did you choke my dog”
– Cody
I love that those “what does your birthday say...
They’re never like “Shitty human being. Complainer. Bad at sex. Misspells ‘lose’ as ‘loose’. Gives up on everything they start.”
That would be so much more accurate.
Mom takes a big bite out of my peppermint ice...
Her: Oh. It’s cold.
Me nonchalant: Yeah. Okay. It’s ice cream.
Her: I don’t remember you being the valedictorian for your class.
Me: I was for 8th grade! You don’t remember that!?
She’s laughing and going back to the couch but not denying it.
Me: OMG YOU REALLY DONT REMEMBER OMG OMG WHAT THE HELL.
Her: Shut up. You didn’t speak in front of your class.
...
I just assume that whenever people take interest...
Example: I was talking to Cody and mentioned that I was going to the mall to buy my mom a christmas gift and he was like “Keep me updated on how it goes.” so I said “Ohhhhh you’re soooooo sarcastic -___-” and he’s like “Uh, I was serious.”
Oh.
Related: A girl told me she liked my hair yesterday and I was like “Yeah yeah uh, I know, I didn’t have time to flatiron it you don’t have to be an...
"He just turned 13."
When I was around 17 I was friends with a sluuuuuuuuuuut. Like, not just a regular chick who acted slutty…like straight from a terribly written porno high school slut. It was delightful. She was one of the best friends I’ve ever had and she was hilarious. Naturally, every girl hated her except for me and maybe two other chicks. I loved how she always reeked of cigarette smoke and was slightly...
Anonymous asked: Think about it:
Some guy who never left town that you were pretty good friends with in high school comments on your status reading, "home for the break: gun's loaded, just need someone to pull the trigger," telling you that Alan is having a party "just like old times." You go because you have nothing better to do "just like old times," you get...
Some guy who never left town that you were pretty good friends with in high school comments on your status reading, "home for the break: gun's loaded, just need someone to pull the trigger," telling you that Alan is having a party "just like old times." You go because you have nothing better to do "just like old times," you get...
Anonymous asked: Think about it:
Some guy who never left town that you were pretty good friends with in high school comments on your status reading, "home for the break: gun's loaded, just need someone to pull the trigger," telling you that Alan is having a party "just like old times." You go because you have nothing better to do "just like old times," you get...
Some guy who never left town that you were pretty good friends with in high school comments on your status reading, "home for the break: gun's loaded, just need someone to pull the trigger," telling you that Alan is having a party "just like old times." You go because you have nothing better to do "just like old times," you get...
Shout out to classy ladies on the internet alone n...
Alright work at 8am. Goodnight
I've had an empty beer can in my backpack since...
It’s been clinking around in there for over a week and I don’t know why but I always hear it when I’m looking for my wallet or something and I’m like “Enh. Whatever.”
It’s almost like a challenge now. Between me and who, I don’t really know. Me and the beer can?
Co-worker: Ohhh my godddddddd. why are you SO funnyy!?
Me: I have a low self esteem.
I hit 1,000 posts you guysssss
And I lost one follower.
Sorry i’ve been too busy slaving away at Panera to post every gd day about my life’s awkward moments but I try.
back to work, everyone.
Black Swan sex scene
Your crush asks you who your crush is.
loversunderthecovers:
In your head, you’re like:
But in reality, you’re like:
“Oh, it’s no one you know.”
And as they’re walking away, you’re like:
AHAHAHHA OMG IM DYING
Oh.
I wanna smoke with you ; )
This guy I went to high school with is hitting on...
“I noticed your clothing style seems pretty great in your profile pictures hehe”
Oh jesus. Not tonight, hombre. Please.
englishgod-deactivated20110719 asked: Aha, that explains it, I'm from Birmingham, England :)
And yeah I can't wait!! You sound like you should be English with your music taste :)
And yeah I can't wait!! You sound like you should be English with your music taste :)
englishgod-deactivated20110719 asked: Aha, that explains it, I'm from Birmingham, England :)
And yeah I can't wait!! You sound like you should be English with your music taste :)
And yeah I can't wait!! You sound like you should be English with your music taste :)
englishgod-deactivated20110719 asked: Good choices! :) Where do you live if you don't mind me asking, not everyone loves them here, but a fair amount have heard of them :) But it's hard to come across people who love them like me aha <3
englishgod-deactivated20110719 asked: Good choices! :) Where do you live if you don't mind me asking, not everyone loves them here, but a fair amount have heard of them :) But it's hard to come across people who love them like me aha <3
Cooper chewed my expensive ass headphones
So now only the right side works.
Me right when it happened:
Me when I threw him half across the room:
Me after I realized how cute he is, and wondering if he’s okay:
englishgod-deactivated20110719 asked: Haha there's not a song I don't like by the Arctic Monkeys to be honest, they're like my favourite band :)
But favourites are 505, Mardy Bum, Cornerstone and Too Much To Ask :)
What about you?
But favourites are 505, Mardy Bum, Cornerstone and Too Much To Ask :)
What about you?
englishgod-deactivated20110719 asked: Haha there's not a song I don't like by the Arctic Monkeys to be honest, they're like my favourite band :)
But favourites are 505, Mardy Bum, Cornerstone and Too Much To Ask :)
What about you?
But favourites are 505, Mardy Bum, Cornerstone and Too Much To Ask :)
What about you?
Lately i've had the sleep schedule of a club...
with none of the drugs and instead of going to clubs I blog on my computer
It's decided.
The birds to go with my ship tat on my back (that will curve around down to my ribs and down my arm) are being put on next week..
Its my 18th birthday present, to me :)
so the question is navy blue or black..
englishgod-deactivated20110719 asked: Hey, thanks for following! :) Nice blog, you look nice in your picture and your hat is awesome! :D
englishgod-deactivated20110719 asked: Hey, thanks for following! :) Nice blog, you look nice in your picture and your hat is awesome! :D
You guyssss
i’m purchasing a new guitar. TODAY. I want suggestions, please?
I’ve had a 3/4 fender for forever, but I want a full size now cause I decided that even though it’ll take up my entire body I’m a big girl now.
Get back to me :) thanks
Me: i didn’t get a break today, I’m leaving. I really feel like shit.
My boss: Yeah, sure, but are you really sick?
Me: Yes.
My boss: ….okay…what if I drove by your house tonight? Would I see you partyin’ it up?
Me:
My boss: Just kidding ha ha
“I wish there was some offensive term for vegetarians. Like the equivalent of...”
– Cody
So
I won’t spend $54.95 on these. OR $179.95 on THESE.
Oh but I will..
I will. - __ -
